Honestly, you have absolutely no idea how badly I just want to hurl on everything. However, I have this awful curse that only allows me to chuck when I have the flu. And guess what Kelsey doesn't have? The flu.

I hate how negative people have been lately. Like it's not just my friends, it's my family too. And all of this is bouncing on to me, causing that much needed happiness that I've finally taken hold of, to slowly ebb away as if it never existed at all.

I hate, absolutely hate, when my friends compare themselves to other people. Or compare their lives to other peoples'. Saying that someone has everything and not knowing the full history behind it, makes you look like a complete jack-ass.

Perfect couple my ass. Anyone who thinks Will and I are a perfect couple, clearly do not see us in person all that often. If ever. We have our fights, our petty arguments, but we fight even harder to get past our differences. I don't down myself all the time anymore, and he doesn't look at his hand like it's a curse.

Easy life my ass. I've never had the easy life. I didn't get the things that I really wanted, or even just plain wanted. I wasn't ever paid attention to unless my little sister was around. Or at least the attention that I wanted. It took me nearly seventeen years to truly appreciate someone who has been in my life since birth, and I'm still seen as a slight nuisance.

I get bitched at for being skinny and having "flawless" skin. [although, i get fucked over at least once a month and never get to be upset about it because it's "not as bad as mine"] I'm not allowed to want to lose weight, or want to think about getting plastic surgery.

For nearly six years I only saw my dad on weekends, and sometimes birthday's. If that. Before that, when I was even younger, I'd only get to see him a night, just before I went to bed. And if I woke up real early, I'd get to eat cheerios with him before he went to work.

I had to grow up faster. Which means I've suppressed a lot of child-like behaviors. I've been responsible for my little sisters' actions since she was born. For awhile I was my mothers' personal nurse, to this day I still do almost everything she asks of me.

And for the majority of my life I've had to deal with the brunt of everyone's most private emotions, and most private secrets. Because I was the only, and still am the only one, that they trust enough to tell such things to. That kind of knowledge isn't easy to contain, and often has me struggling between breaking the faith of one person, or destroying the trust of another.

It explains why, for a time, I didn't have friends. At all.

Sure, I lived in a big house, but it was only to accommodate my family of six. Sure I had expensive things, but that's what my dad gets to do when he worked in an office for nearly thirty years. [and did i mention they forcefully retired him before his thirty years in service? do you know the kind of anger i hold against the miltary for that, when six months later he could of gotten the job back?] Sure I got to see the world, but I lost so many people along that road that it still haunts me today. Sure I've never experienced the loss of a dear loved one [human], but I've lost animals that could make even the cold-hearted of cold-hearted people burst with warmth and love.

Everything I have, clothes, books, movies, friends, a boyfriend ... I had to work for that. And that job wasn't ever easy. It still isn't.

So before you assume my life is perfect, and I have everything I could ever want, you need to remember that just because a person looks happy on the outside, does not ever mean they look happy on the inside. Didn't your mother always say, "Never judge a book by its cover?"

We're all just stories, waiting to be heard.

[how'd you like my different words for vomit at the beginning? i do what i can, you know?]